Who Am I ?

I love to write. I love to hear confirmation that my writing is good, great, inspiring. I love the feeling that I get when I realize that people want to hear what I have to say. Its like what I would assume what being high feels like. Something like euphoria it makes me want to write more so that I can share more, but lately that isn’t what I want. I want to be selfish and keep my writing to myself. I want to close my mind off to the general public and only a select few are allowed to get a peek through the cracks of my mind. I had actually gotten to a point that I didn’t want to write period…

I can’t do that to myself! Writing is my only identity. If I put down that pen no one will remember me. I will just be another easily forgotten person and I know that as a fact. I mean…look at me now. The only thing about be I know with no doubts is that I am a writer. It hurts when I don’t write. I get headaches when I can’t get the words in my head out. Part of me feels that, that is God’s way of telling me not to give up on this that I have to keep writing no matter what, and who am I not to do just that?

It is hard though. Battling the thoughts in my head that are telling me that my writing isn’t good enough, that no one is impacted, that there are people that are way better at this than me and that I should just shut up and not share. I try to combat these voices but it isn’t easy. There is a mental fight that I have with myself just to be able to open my mouth and speak up…but I do truly wonder if anyone really hears me when I do speak up, are they listening, will something change, or will it just be nice words on paper. That is enough to make me afraid to put my pen to paper. But like I said…I love to write.

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